The Void

Time marches at a constant beat,

It is harsh and never changing,

It pushes and pulls you thru your life,

And doesn’t give you a chance to look back.

Upon reflection, we find ourselves trapped in a time warp,

A time in which everything appears to move slowly,

A time that is either the killing or the life‑giving,

A time of deep sadness or great happiness.

The killing time is the worst of the two,

It is a black emptiness with no boundaries in sight,

It grips with its lifeless hands,

And sucks at your being until you are an empty corpse.

You scream out in pain and terror,

But it is to no avail,

The deep cuts and slashes bleed heavily,

Now you know that it is time to die.

Far in the distance a small point of light appears,

You see it and hope flares deep inside your heart,

You call out to it wondering what this light signifies,

It approaches silently oblivious to its environment.

As the object draws near it brightens and comprehension sweeps over you,

It is the life‑giver,

It is hope everlasting,

It is LOVE.

The source of your wonder is blinding now,

It is so close that you can almost feel its caressing touch,

You reach out and penetrate the light,

And your body fills with a warmth never before experienced.

Your heart leaps for joy,

Your happiness knows no bounds,

You think, “Wow, this is the greatest,

This is what I have been longing for.”

Then something happens, something terrible,

The light is now at your back and receding rapidly,

You cry out in your anguish,

“No!  No, not this one!  Please not this one!”

Thru your tears you realize what has happened,

The light never really wavered or shifted in your direction,

It was just your imagination,

You just happened to be in the path of the life‑giver.

You try to turn around but know that it is hopeless,

This one light was not intended for you,

You know then that you were meant to drift even longer thru the void,

Perfection has for the first and last time passed you by.

A numbing pain enshrouds your being,

It is not the pain of being rejected,

Rather the pain of not really being noticed,

The worst pain known to exist.

As the light blinks out in the distance,

So do your hopes of ever catching and holding onto love,

Never will you feel its soft and caring touch,

Never will complete fulfillment be yours.

Once again you are alone in the void,

The life‑giving was too short,

It went by so fast as to barely be noticed by an outside observer,

But it was the most intense emotions ever felt.

Those cold, dead hands grip you again,

You fight back but know that you can’t escape,

The hands slowly tighten their grip once more,

And you know again that it is time to die,

To die alone without ever having known true love.

Conan Tigard

March 1991